Wendy and Lily Face Off!
by Kenny's Goddess
Summary: Umm...well...what the title says! =P


Wendy and Lily Face Off!  
  
*Authors Note* All right, this is probably going to be the most read and most awaited fic of my entire fanfiction career so I'm going to make it really good. A no holds barred cat fight between Lily and Wendy...what is the world coming to? You know you suck when you have to promo your own fics...*sigh* anyway, here it is!  
  
The sun shone in through the window, releasing its delicate warmth onto Stan's face. Fingers of light shone into his eyes, slowly awakening him from sleep. He opened an eye and blinked groggily, squinting at the brightness of the room. He sat up and stretched, yawning sleepily. He glanced over at his clock and read the time, 6:00. It was about an hour and a half before he and Lily had to be up before school. He swung one foot over the side of the bed and then his other, so he was sitting on the edge of his mattress. He rubbed his eyes, wondering what it was that had woken him up so early. He stood up on the edge of his bed, peeking into the top bunk, expecting to see Lily sleeping there. To his great surprise, it was empty. Then he heard it. A large slam coming from downstairs and then a shriek. He sighed and got dressed. Another exciting morning in the Marsh house...  
  
Stan walked out of his room and went down the stairs, wondering what all the noise could be about. He turned towards the living room and was transfixed to the spot. His mouth dropped open and he stared, totally shocked.  
  
Lily was on top of Shelley, pinning her down. Shelley looked about as shocked as Stan and stared up at her, wide eyed.  
  
"What was that, Shelley?" Lily asked coldly, her voice deadly calm. Shelley's eyes batted side to side, trying to look for a way out. She looked scared for the first time in her life. Lily brought her hand up and grabbed Shelley lightly by the throat.  
  
"I asked you a question," she said. "And I want..." She squeezed her neck a little. "An ANSWER!" Shelley's eyes goggled out of her head, totally taken aback and she burst into tears. Stan watched from the doorway, and then a large smile broke out on his face. Lily beat up Shelley! Now he wouldn't have to worry about getting pounded by her ever again! He could practically contain his glee and Lily leaned over her tear stained face, a tight, cold smile on her face.  
  
"That's what I thought," Lily said and then let her go. Shelley got up and started to run for the stairs. She ran right past Stan and he had the guts to stick his foot out and trip her on her way past. She let out a screech and fell head over heels into the coffee table, breaking it with a crash. Their parents ran down the stairs then, looking at the scene.  
  
"SHELLEY!" Randy shouted. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Lily, Stan, you two better explain this right now," Sharon said, stomping her foot down. Lily shot Stan and quick glance and winked. She looked back at their mother and her eyes started to fill with tears.  
  
"Shelley was beating me up," she said, her voice choked with emotion. "She pulled me out of my bed this morning and took me down here and started to pound on me..." She started to cry then, and Stan walked over and placed an arm around her shoulder.  
  
"Aww, don't worry, sis," he said. "I'm sure Mom and Dad are going to punish Shelley for a very long time for that..." Lily looked at him and sniffed.  
  
"You think so?" she said. Stan nodded and then looked at their parents.  
  
"I'm sure they will," he replied. Randy confirmed this by picking Shelley up out of the remains of the coffee table by her hair and dragging her upstairs.  
  
"Shelley Jacqueline Marsh, you are in serious trouble, missy..." he said. Shelley let out a shriek of rage and started kicking and screaming. Sharon ran up after them to keep her under control. As soon as they were alone, Lily looked over at Stan and grinned. He grinned back.  
  
"Jesus, I'm glad I have you as a sister, Lily," he said. Lily raised an eyebrow.  
  
"And why is that, dear brother?" she asked sarcastically.  
  
"You'll know how to get us out of trouble any day!" She smiled slightly and looked down at the ground, blushing.  
  
"Aww, it was nothing, Stan," she said. Stan shook his head adamantly.  
  
"No way dude!" he exclaimed. "You beat the crap out of Shelley and then got her in trouble for it to boot!" Lily grinned a bit and the looked back up at him.  
  
"Yeah...I did, didn't I?" she said. Stan nodded and patted her on the back. Lily stood up real tall and puffed her chest out.  
  
"I beat up Shelley and I'm going to kick the crap out of Wendy after school, so I will!" she cried as she walked into the kitchen, looking for some breakfast. Stan cringed and followed her. He had totally forgotten about that little spat...  
  
"Hey...uh...Lily," Stan said from behind her back. She was at the fridge, looking in for something to eat.  
  
"Yes Stan?" She asked, her head inside the refrigerator. "Hmmm...what should I have for breakfast...not this...ahh...this looks good-ACK! It has fucking mold in it!" She threw the container on the floor behind her. The lid popped off and a rancid smell filled the kitchen.  
  
"Awww...gross, Lily!" Stan said, temporarily putting his question on hold. "That's so...disgusting! What the hell is in that container?" She shrugged, pulling a bagel out of the fridge and shutting the door.  
  
"I dunno," she said, plugging her nose. "But it smells like shit, whatever it is." She popped her bagel in the toaster and then grabbed the tongs. She gingerly reached down and picked the container up with them, and then threw it in the trash. She unplugged her nose and let out a little sigh of relief.  
  
"Phew," she said. "That almost smells as bad as Kenny's house!" Stan laughed while she grabbed the butter and a knife.  
  
"Yeah," he said. His laughter trailed off as he thought of the fight. Jesus, Lily was going to beat the shit out of Wendy...she didn't stand a chance! He had to do something to change her mind...  
  
"Hey Lily," he said. She turned around and gazed at him, her eyes regarding him curiously.  
  
"Yeah?" she said, picking up one half of her bagel and biting a piece off of it. Stan swallowed the lump in his throat and continued.  
  
"Why are you going to fight Wendy?" he asked cautiously. Lily regarded him with a faint look of amusement on her face. She sat down at the table and bit into her bagel once again, thoughtfully.   
  
"Well, she was dissing me and she was talking shit about Cartman," she said. "I'm only doing it to preserve my reputation." Stan sighed.  
  
"Lily, can you please not do it?" he asked pleadingly. "Wendy's my girlfriend and you're my sister. I don't want either of you getting hurt, okay?" She sighed.  
  
"Stan, there's no backing out of this now," she said. "She's been waiting a month for this moment and so have I. I personally can't stand Wendy. She judged me on who I liked and that pisses me off. Her and her stupid little crowd of whores or whatever she has can kiss my ass!"  
  
"They're bitches," Stan corrected absently. "And anyway, why does it matter? All the guys like you, you're strong, you're witty, and you're beautiful. Cartman likes you, Kenny likes you, Kyle likes you, hell, and if you weren't my sister I would like you! What is the big deal?" Lily finished the last bite of her bagel and grabbed her backpack. She looked at him and gave him an evil smile.  
  
"Revenge is so very, very sweeet," she said like Cartman and walked out to door.  
  
~*~  
  
"Bebe, what should I do?" Wendy asked her outside the classroom. "I have to fight that stupid blonde bitch Lily today and I have no idea how!" She lowered her head and cried. "Oh, why did I get myself into this mess..." Bebe put her arm on her friend's shoulder.  
  
"Wendy, don't cry," she said. "You don't have to fight anything." Wendy looked up, her eyes stained with tears.  
  
"What do you mean?" she asked. Bebe gave her a small, tight smile.  
  
"I mean that all you do is have to show up after school," she said. "Kelly, Amanda and I will take care of the rest." Wendy smiled through her tears and hugged her friend.  
  
"Thanks Bebe," she said softly. "You're the best friend ever." Bebe shrugged.  
  
"That's what bitches are for," she replied as the bell rang, signaling the start of another day.  
  
~*~  
  
"Hello kids," Ms. Ellen said. "Today we're going to learn how to write in cursive."  
  
"Oh great" Lily muttered. "Because I can barely write in print in the first place..." Ms. Ellen seemed to sense her discontent because she called on her first.  
  
"Lily, would you come up here and grab a piece of chalk please?" she said. Stan offered her a sympathetic glance as she got up out of her chair. She glanced over in Wendy's direction. She had a smug smile on her face. Lily looked to see if Ms. Ellen was watching and then gave her the finger. Wendy's mouth turned into a little 'O' of shock and then she mouthed 'You're dead.' Lily laughed to herself as she walked up to Ms. Ellen. She has no idea what she was in for. She walked over to the chalk tray and grabbed a piece. Some of the dust rubbed off onto her hand and she brushed it off, annoyed. If there was one thing Lily Marsh hated, it was chalk dust. It drove her crazy. She looked up at Ms. Ellen, waiting.  
  
"Lily, would you please write your name in cursive on the board?" she asked. Lily sighed and walked over. She rubbed her hand on the smooth surface of the board. She liked the way that felt, it reminded her of silk. She slowly started to write her name on the board. She felt like an idiot, since she had really terrible cursive handwriting. She felt the eyes of her classmates boring into her back as struggled. L...i...l...y...and she was done. She stood back and admired her handiwork. It was at least readable...it looked something like this:  
Lily  
  
Ms. Ellen stood over her shoulder; she seemed to be doing the same thing.  
  
"Lily...this is just curly print," she said.  
  
"No it isn't!" Lily cried indignantly. "It's fine!" Ms. Ellen sighed.  
  
"Here, how about you try it Wendy?" she asked. "Maybe you have more skills at it then Lily here." Wendy shot Lily a look of triumph and stood up.  
  
"Yes Ms. Ellen, I'm very good at cursive writing," she said and walked past Lily, muttering under her breath.  
  
"Bitch," she whispered.  
  
"Cunt," Lily shot back.  
  
"You can take your seat now, Ms. Inept," Ms. Ellen said to Lily. The laughter from the classroom rang in her ears as she took her seat. She was inwardly fuming as she watched Wendy write out her name in a neat little scrawl:  
  
Wendy Lyn Testaburger  
  
Ms. Ellen walked behind her and studied her writing the same way that she had for Lily. She smiled and then patted Wendy's head.  
  
"Very good Wendy!" she said. She rooted around her pocket and then pulled out a lollypop and handed it to her. "Here you go, this is for a job well done."  
  
Lily stared, slack-jawed with disbelief. She had given Wendy a...lollypop? The rest gasped in shock. Wendy, gloating, pulled the wrapper off of it and stuck it in her mouth. Ms. Ellen gave her a sickly sweet smile, and then looked over at Lily.  
  
"All right, now all of you, point at Lily and laugh since she's a stupid dumbfuck," she said. The class hesitated and Lily felt her spirits rise. They aren't going to do it, she thought, they aren't going to do it since they know that I'm better then her...  
  
"Haha, Lily!" Wendy said, sneering. She pointed her finger over at her and laughed. That got Bebe going too.  
  
"Look at the stupid little flower girl!" she said scornfully. Kelly and Amanda laughed and started in on it as well.  
  
"Look, it's the purple eyed freak!" Kelly said. "And she even had the nerve to copy my hair style!"  
  
"Hey, that was KG's fault!" Lily shot back. "It's not my problem she drew me like this!"  
  
Suddenly the story comes to a halt and KG enters with an apologetic look on her face.  
  
"I'm sorry about all this," she said with a small smile. "The writer of this story has been sacked. Now, back to the original story."  
  
"Ooh, now you're a copy cat too, Lily!" Amanda said. "You're nothing but a big giant rip off!"  
  
"Hey!" Stan cried, indignant. "Leave her alone!"  
  
"What Stan, have to fight your sister's battles for her?" Bebe spat.   
  
"No, I can fight them myself and I'm going to after school today you fucking slut!" Lily cried.  
  
"LILY!" Ms. Ellen shouted. "Go to the office this instant!" Lily turned around and shot her a glare.  
  
"You know what?" Lily retorted. "Fuck that, and fuck you. I'm not going to the mother fucking office!" The entire classroom gasped.  
  
"Go Lily!" Cartman cried out in spite of himself. Ms. Ellen shot him a look.  
  
"Would you like to join her, Eric?" she asked, her voice like flint.  
  
"Uh...no..." Cartman replied, looking away. "Forget I said anything." She nodded her head and turned back to the livid Lily.  
  
"That's what I thought," she said. "Get out of here, Lillian."  
  
"I'm not fucking going anywhere you pussy eating bitch!" she replied. Ms. Ellen turned around and stared her in the eyes. Lily gasped on shock and saw that they were glowing red.  
  
"Get out," she said, her voice sounding totally different, lower, like a demon's. Lily stared, wide eyed in shock, but stood her ground.  
  
"N-no!" she said back, stammering. "I-I'm not going anywhere!" Ms. Ellen laughed maniacally.  
  
"Then you all shall DIE!" she yelled and suddenly burst out of her body. Lily screamed in terror. What was standing in front of her was something from a nightmare. It was a huge black demon with hot red eyes. She reached one hand out and grabbed onto Stan. He screeched, his eyes bugging out of his head.  
  
"Take one step, Lillian," the demon said. "And your brother dies!" Lily looked around her, seeing the faces of her classmates. Wendy and her Skipping Bitches were in tears. Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman were watching, terrified. The others were hiding under desks, tables, chairs, anything that could hide them from this evil being. She lowered her head, feeling the rage build inside of her. She remembered what the ganglies had said.  
  
"Use your anger, Lily...it gives you powers you can't imagine..."  
  
Suddenly, the screen goes black, and it's KG standing there again.  
  
"Goddammit, who keeps fucking with this story?" she cried. "The people who told the writer to write this story have all been sacked, as well as all the relatives of those mentioned above. Now, let's continue the real fucking fanfic..."  
  
"Woah...that was some killer special effects!" Cartman said. "I almost thought that Ms. Ellen really did turn into a demon!"  
  
"Yeah!" Lily said. "So did I!"  
  
"All right class, let me give out your homework before the bell-"  
  
The bell rang, and before she could finish her sentence, the entire classroom was empty.  
  
"Aw, fuck it!"  
  
~*~  
  
All the kids were standing in a circle, waiting. Lily was standing in the middle of it, also waiting. She glanced down at her watch and sighed. Three o' clock...where the fuck was Wendy? That stupid bitch better get here soon, she thought. She better get the fuck here pretty damn quick...  
  
~*~  
  
"What am I going to do, Bebe?" Wendy cried. "Lily's going to kick my ass!"  
  
"No she's not," Bebe replied. "I told you before, Kelly, Amanda and I have gotten everything taken care of. All you have to do is show up there and act tough, all right?"  
  
"But I don't know how to act tough!" Wendy wailed. Bebe sighed.  
  
"Just go over there and talk ghetto," Bebe said. "That'll make you look tough, okay?" She nodded and rubbed her eyes.  
  
"Yeah," she sniffed. "Thanks again, Bebe."  
  
"No problem," she replied. "Now go over there and we'll show that stupid blonde bitch not to cross us!"  
  
"Uh...Bebe, you're also blonde," Wendy said.  
  
"Oh yeah," she replied. "Well then, we'll show that purple eyed flower face freak who's boss!"  
  
"Better," Wendy said, and went off to meet her maker.  
  
~*~  
  
"Finally," Lily said under her breath. Then she called out "It's about time you showed up, cunt! What were you doing, playing with yourself?" Wendy gave her a tight smile.  
  
"You wish," she said. "West side." Lily giggled.  
  
"Did you just say...West Side?" she laughed. "Oh...my...God!"  
  
She burst into a gale of laughter, as did the other children. Wendy narrowed her eyes.  
  
"Yo, you're not going to be laughing in a second you nigga bitch!" Wendy said, still trying to act ghetto and failing miserably. Lily fell over onto the ground, laughing so hard that tears started to role down her face.  
  
"I..." she gasped. "I...I can't fucking believe...hehehe...you just said tha-hahahaha-t!"  
  
"Fuck you bitch!" Wendy shouted, losing the ghetto act. "Get up on your feet and bring it on!"   
  
The crowd got silent, watching with glee. The schools first catfight...and they were all going to be around to watch it! Even the big kids had all gathered around for this historic event. Lily got to her feet, rubbing her eyes, still giggling slightly.  
  
"Bring it on," she said softly, and the fight began. Wendy leapt at her like a cat, gliding through the air. Lily grinned and stepped to the side, causing Wendy to topple to the ground. She landed on her side and let out a little cry of pain. Lily laughed and kicked her.  
  
"Get up, you little baby," she said scornfully. She bent down and offered Wendy her hand. Wendy took it and then surprised her by pulled her down. She leapt on top of Lily and started ripping at her hair.  
  
"Ahh, get off me you fat slutty crack whore!" Lily shouted, getting her legs under Wendy's stomach. Wendy grabbed Lily's flower and ripped it out of her hair, taking a clump out with it. She screamed in triumph and held it above her head. Lily ignored the throbbing pain in her head and launched Wendy with all of her strength. She flew back a couple of feet and landed harshly on her back. She let out a wail and started to cry. Lily got up and brushed the dirt off her clothes and started to slowly walk over to Wendy's crying form.  
  
"Give up?" she asked coldly. Wendy stared up at her with tear stained eyes. She looked around with tear stained eyes and then saw something. Bebe was sneaking up behind them in the crowd, holding something. She also saw Kelly and Amanda coming from wither side. She smiled in relief. So she would win after all...  
  
"No!" Wendy said, and got up. "I won't give up till you're dead!" She leapt at Lily, taking her by surprise. She caught onto her leg and pulled out from underneath of her, sending her crashing to the ground. Lily let out a little hiss of pain and blinked back tears. Wendy sat onto top of her and grabbed onto her hair again, raking her nails down her face. Lily pulled one fist back and punched her in the stomach. Wendy screeched and let go, but not without another clump of Lily's hair first. Lily walked over to her, infuriated, and grabbed her by her hair. Wendy screamed, kicking and struggling to get out f her grasp. Lily ignored the blows and started to spin around in a circle, holding Wendy by the hair. She whirled her around, faster and faster, until she could see the terror and pain etched into Wendy's face. She spun even faster, making Wendy stretch out straight in front of her.   
  
"PUT ME DOWN, LILY!" she screamed, terrified, tears rolling down her face. "PLEASE!"  
  
"Fuck you, whore!" Lily retorted, getting Wendy at her peak velocity. "You're fucking-ahh!" Lily let go of Wendy and fell over, doubled up in pain. Wendy sighed in relief. Bebe and the others had pulled through at the last minute. She got out and looked over at the other three girls, who had all leapt on her while she was down and were now beating the shit out of her, pummeling her with fists, rocks, and anything else they could find in the immediate area.  
  
"Hey, that's not fair!" Colleen cried indignantly. "You cheated, Wendy!"  
  
"Ahhh!" Lily cried, trying to kick her way out. Bebe smashed her in the shoulder with her rock and it was throbbing immensely. She ignored the pain and launched Kelly off her with her legs, while punching Bebe in the face with her fist. Bebe squealed and through the rock at her, but she saw it and ducked just in time. Kenny, however, was not so lucky. The rock hit him right between his eyes and he fell over, dead.  
  
"Oh my God, they killed Kenny!" Stan shouted.  
  
"You morons!" Kyle cried. Stan and Cartman stared at him.  
  
"Dude...you said it wrong," Stan said.   
  
"Yeah, what the hell is wrong with you?" Cartman asked. "How can you forget that, you say it every time Kenny dies!" Cartman stopped and thought. "Wait...now that doesn't make sense..."  
  
"Start over," Stan said. He cleared his throat and then cried, "OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED KENNY!"  
  
"You faggots!" Kyle shouted. Stan slapped his hand to his forehead.  
  
"Never mind..." he said, and he turned back to the fight. Lily had gotten up but was surrounded by all four girls. She looked around, trying to find a good route of escape.  
  
"We've got you now, Lily!" Wendy said. "I told you not to cross me!"  
  
"Yeah, you stupid blonde slut!" Bebe shouted. Wendy nudged her in the ribs.  
  
"Dammit, what did I say about that, Bebe?" she said. "You're blonde too!" Bebe slapped her forehead.  
  
"Oh yeah..." she replied. Lily giggled in spite of her situation.  
  
"Could you be any stupider, Bebe?" she asked.  
  
"Uh...Lily..." Colleen said from behind her. "Not the best idea in the whole world to piss off people who have you surrounded..." She shrugged.  
  
"Wendy should be a fucking blonde," Lily said. "She's fucking stupid!" Colleen tittered.  
  
"Hehe, yeah!" she said. Wendy shot her a glare.  
  
"You wanna fuck with us too?" she said deadly. Colleen looked at Lily and winked and then shook her head.  
  
"Nahhh, this is between you guys, not me," she replied. Wendy shrugged.  
  
"Then shut your damn mouth," she said. Lily narrowed her eyes at her.  
  
"You talk so tough, Wendy," she said scornfully. "And you are really such a pussy ass wuss! You can't even fight! I had you beat before you cheated and got your friends involved!" She laughed.  
  
"There was nothing in the rules that said there could be no outside interference," she replied. Lily stomped her foot on the ground.  
  
"The fight was supposed to be against you and me you fucking dumb broad!" she shouted. "Now you have totally fucked it up! I challenge you to a rematch!"  
  
"Fine, bitch! In a month's time we fight again!" Wendy shouted.  
  
"Fine!" Lily cried. The Skipping Bitches all shot her looks and then skipped off, singing a stupid little song.  
  
"We going to have a rematch,  
It promise's to be swell,  
That Lily bitch will soon be dead,  
Cause Wendy fights so well..."  
  
"Dammit!" Lily shouted. "This story is fucked up!"  
  
The scene fades out and you see KG standing there.  
  
"I'm sorry for this whole story. The characters and the writers and everyone else involved in this fucked up tale have been sacked. So, thus ends the story..."  
  
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